just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
