Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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