YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
