I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
