I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
