Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
