Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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