I have demons in me.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
