I think my vagina is haunted
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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