Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
