Screwed.edu
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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