whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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