your thong is hanging out like whoa
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
