Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
