I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
