It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
