he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
