i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
