Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
