i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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