You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
