go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
