Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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