Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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