So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
