That's intense
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
