my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
