I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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