I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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