i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
