bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
