This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
