Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
