just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
