Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
