don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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