he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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