i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
