Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
