Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
