If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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