my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
