I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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