Is it normal to miss your booty call?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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