you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The best revenge is premature balding
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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