You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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