Taylor Swift is so right about you.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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