Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
