dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
