it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Randomize
