I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
