Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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