Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
