he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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