Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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