At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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